![]() ![]() I didn’t have a plan or a destination, but I was out of the city when this debate began in my head. I felt restless, so I grabbed my car keys and went for a drive that I hoped would clear my head. “My God, you’re crazy,” I told myself as I went back inside. It was around 9 or 10 o’clock when I temporarily came to my senses. I stood out there in the cold for several minutes, measuring the weight of the situation. Why was I standing on a chair on the balcony of my campus apartment, looking out over the railing to the ground 15 stories below, thinking long and hard about doing the unthinkable? Why was I in so much pain? Why was I so miserable? Then why did I feel so desperate and alone? As my favorite author, Ralph Waldo Emerson, would say, “Make the most of yourself for that is all there is of you.” I had a lot to be grateful for, a lot to be proud of from my time as a UW student-athlete. I finished my 146-game college career with more than 100 points and made lifelong friends along the way. I played in two NCAA title games and won a championship ring as a freshman. I had spent 4½ life-altering years in Madison playing forward for the UW women’s hockey team, skating with legends like Brianna Decker, Meghan Duggan and Hilary Knight. A significant chapter in my life was about to come to a close and it seemed like a time for celebration. My parents and three siblings were preparing to travel from our home in Birmingham, Mich., to join me for winter commencement. I was a few days away from graduating from the University of Wisconsin with a degree in English studies. I made the worst decision of my life on a cold, snowy December night in 2014. ![]()
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